Norsemen NCAA Tournament Potpourri

We’ve prepared a wide array of coverage of the upcoming and ongoing NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, none of which is journalistic in nature or factual in content. Here we go!

Tournament Drinking Games

Editor’s Note: The Norsemen in no way endorse binge drinking, drinking and driving, or drinking and blogging.

It’s March and NCAA basketball is at the height of its Madness (1). In honor of one of America’s favorite sporting events, and America’s favorite chemical addiction, we’ve created some drinking games to be played in conjunction with the NCAA basketball tournament.

1. The Duke-UNC Drinking Game

Drink 1 When

• Either Duke or the University of North Carolina tip off.
• An announcer says ‘tobacco road’ (Note: it may be more appropriate to smoke a cigarette here, if applicable.)
• An announcer attempts to say Coach Mike Krzyzewski’s actual name and not just ‘Coach K.’ (Drink 2 if they’re successful).
• You wonder aloud why these two teams receive so much press coverage.
• One of these teams is beaten by a lower seeded team.
• They show video of Tyler Hansbrough getting the vicious elbow to the nose and the Tarantino-level gore fest that followed. You’ll need to drink to get that image out of your head.

The Tournie Betting/Drinking Game

When people hear March Madness (2), they think of office pools and betting. With this game, you can compound your sorrow/joy by drinking and betting at the same time. It’s a combination that can’t possibly end badly!

Take 1 Drink When

• A team you picked loses
• A #1 or #2 seed doesn’t cover the spread in the first two rounds
• An announcer mentions the fact that a #12 seed has beaten a #5 seed in each of the last 5 years. (Drink to numb the repetition.)
• You lose more than $5 on any given game
• A team you picked loses at the buzzer or in overtime
• You realize that you have no chance of winning your pool and it’s only the second round

Give 1 Drink When

• You pick an underdog that wins.
• Any of your Final Four teams make it
• You win more than $5 on any game
• You totally outpick your smartass friend who watched games all year and spent 30 hours on ESPN.com doing research for his bracket only to out-think every game.  Ignorance is bliss!

The NCAA Tournament Can Be Depressing

The life of a sports fan is not always a great one. If you truly live and die by the performance of your team, you’re bound to do a lot of dieing. The depths of loss can be just as deep as the peaks of victory are high. The NCAA tournament is a great example of the richness of losing. 64 teams end the year on a loss, a sour note. Unlike college football, where half the programs are allowed to artificially boost their egos through meaningless bowl victories, college basketball leaves only one team standing at the end. It’s Highlander for guys with great jump shots. (Note: the NIT does not exist.)

Statistics say that even if you follow a traditionally good basketball team (one that goes to the NCAA tournament more years than not), the odds of you ending the season on a high note are greatly stacked against you. Even Duke, arguably the most consistently successful program of the last 25 years, has ended a season on a win just 3 times in that span. Their notoriously diehard fans end the season on a sour note 7/8ths of the time (really sour considering they then have to face Duke football).

Even if your team wins the championship, you get one year of elation before your hopes are crushed again repeatedly for decades to come. Players bolt early for the NBA, Coaches bolt for the NBA, fans get spoiled with winning, and your team gets a giant target on its back because every other team wants to knock off the defending national champs.  It’s nearly impossible to stay satisfied.

Combine all of this with the fact that March is usually fairly cold and glum and that people drink a great deal during the tournament and you have a recipe for depression disaster. It really is March Madness (3).

Storylines for the Uninformed Fan
The NCAA tournament is one of those sporting events that brings out the fair weather fans and know-nothings. That happens to be our target demographic here at The Norsemen Blog so we’ve developed this series of plot synopses for the casual fan who doesn’t want to seem like a jackass around the water cooler.

• Oden/Durant – The two biggest names in the tournament this year, and the first two names brought up for this year’s NBA draft, are Greg Oden of Ohio State and Kevin Durant of Texas. They are both freshmen leading their teams to title contention (Ohio State is a #1 seed and Texas a #4). Oden is a man-child (though unsubstantiated reports based solely on his forehead put his age closer to 32) that has dominated the Big 10 all year even though he’s been playing with one broken hand. Durant is the driving and shooting wunderkind who has been scoring at a ridiculous pace for ANY college player, much less a freshman. Speculation is that Durant (the next T-Mac) could be taken first in this year’s draft, ahead of Oden (the next Hakeem).
• Tyler Hansbrough’s Face - In the last meeting between arch-rivals Duke and the University of North Carolina, UNC’s star forward Tyler Hansbrough took a viscious and intentional forearm to the bridge of his nose from Duke player Gerald Henderson. The hit broke Hansbrough’s nose, made Henderson look like a dickhead, and forced Hansbrough to subsequently wear a Phantom of the Opera protective mask most recently seen on the Detroit Pistons’ Richard Hamilton and Hannibal lecter. The speculation is that the mask has negatively affected his game. It certainly has affected how entertaining he is to watch (through the roof!)
• The Gator Repeat – The University of Florida won last year’s tournament and returned all 5 of starting players and 7 of their 8 top scorers from the championship team. A team hasn’t repeated as national champs since Duke in 1992, though the Gators appear to be in exellent position to cut down the nets again. All of their players are healthy, they’re a #1 seed in one of the weaker regions, and they have a much more experienced core of players than all the other top teams in the tournament. They also have at least one blog behind them (Work’em silly!)

Other Gator-Related Storylines

• Al Horford’s New Post-Dunk Bicep Flexing – Competition for Joakim Noah’s finger hammering and the first sign of emotion from an otherwise stoic player.
• The New Uniforms – The Gators are one of four teams in the tournament that will be sporting Nike’s new style of uniform that features slimmer fitting tops and baggier shorts. Do we really need baggier shorts in college basketball? We’re one step away from gaucho pants.
• Draft Stock – All three of the players (Horford, Noah, and Corey Brewer) that made the tough decision to come back for their junior years may have hurt their draft position in the process. It will be interesting to see who gets hot in the tournie and how that affects where and if they get drafted.
• Lee Humphrey’s Hot Hand – One of the biggest catalysts for UF’s improbable tournament run in ’06 was the dead-eye shooting of Lee Humphrey. Humpty-Hump went cold near the end of the regular season only to heat up during the SEC tournament. His ability to hit kick-out 3′s is crucial to Florida avoiding double teams in the post.
• Joakim Noah, Most Hated Player? – Check any non-UF message board and you’re bound to see Noah’s name come up in a negative light. Whether it’s his wild style, his outspoken views, his unique heritage and look, the guy is a character and a polarizing on.  With no bigtime Duke white guy in the hunt for most hated player, Noah may have it locked up.
• Basketball-Football-Basketball? – Much ado was made over the fact that UF was the first school ever to win football and basketball championships in the same year. What happens if they win another basketball championship on top of that? Do Gator fans’ heads explode nationwide? Does athletic director Jeremy Foley get elected governor? Does Joakim Noah finally get a road named after him?